Yesterday

Yesterday i was fired. For financial reasons she said... nothing personal. As if yet another loss this year after so much investment and hard work is not "personal". I chose to handle my exit with grace. Not wanting to give away my power or dignity... I simply shook her hand held in my tears and said I should be going. I expressed regret at the circumstances and emphasized how hard I had worked and how much I had cared about this job. The reply was that she knew and it was no failing on my part. Not "personally" anyways. These are just hard economic times she said. It is really a financial decision... I guess I was just not "valuable" enough to them. So I should not take that personally. Honestly even though I have swung from sadness to anger today...I am mildly relived. I have yet another opportunity to transform myself and my life and I am eligible for Unemployment Benefits so that may buy me a little time. For whatever reason life is testing us again. My husband and I have just had the hardest year of our lives and here we are again facing uncertainty. However... I am living in a space of recognition that it could be so much worse. I could be Haitian or have been on those two trains that collided or have been that Olympic Luger who died in that crash or live in war torn Afghanistan. I am all n'all pretty lucky. I have great friends and a wonderful family and a supportive husband. We at least for now... have a roof over our heads and food to eat. We have a car and the means to find and get other job opportunities. I count myself as blessed.
If there is one thing in life I have learned, it is that everything depends on how you look at it and react to it. I have choices now and I can see that as a gift or a curse. It is primarily up to me.
Today I am going to be proactive and take action on my own behalf. I am going to give myself a bit of a break and focus on beauty and creativity. I am going find a way to rise because that is one of the things that defines me. My Phoenix like quality... the ability to rise from my circumstance. Who knows. Maybe I can make some sort of career out of that. Maybe life has been training me all this time. Anger is good to harness but in this circumstance is a wasted emotion. I have learned a lot in these last 7 months. I now have skills and experience that I did not possess before. That is a blessing if only a small one for it will make me more marketable and who knows... maybe whats coming down the line...is far better and more suited for me.
That's all for now. Letting go of yesterday and moving on to tomorrow... embracing today.
AL 2010